"I'm still trying...You are slowly rejecting." - Jason

I admit that I was really mean. Part of me keeps drowning in this bad feel but part of me lives in total rejection.
After Irene's party (Photos updated at Facebook), I reached home tired and feeling under the weather.
I reflected alot while I bathed. I felt disgusted of myself.
How much a person I've changed. Just how much?

Part of me...like Jason said, rejects everything altogether. No matter how fine the day could have been between me and Jason, it could very much be that day only. Yet it fails to reach deep within. That part of me already closed in rejection.

I can't explain everything and I do not know how long should it be prolong?
Ever since April 07, things between us has been a roller coaster ride with more downs than ups that I remembered.

Days...Days that I felt very painful from the whole trauma too. Not just him.
Now...Now I felt pretty numb inside.

I do not know and I don't wanna wallop in my (bad) emotions anymore.

Is there anything I could do?